Creating Awakening

2009 feels different. I truly didn't notice much of a vibrational change in the 2007-2008 shift, but this feels...good. For the first time in my life I have actually transcended personal drama enough to make the conscious decision to create an emotional hell/transformation through relinquishing my addiction, my buffer to all that is unpleasant. Oh yes, it is true...I am giving up tobacco and nicotine.

February 6 I wake up a non smoker. I have been smoking since the age of 11, synchronistically around the time I started exploring metaphysics. It became something I couldn't consider living without since the age of 15. So what that means, on an emotional level, is that I have suppressed my feelings through nicotine from that point onward. So I didn't really feel any of it at its true capacity. More than two decades of incredible life experiences, not experienced to their full potential for the fact that I numbed myself through them. All of that crap, stuck in an internal closet somewhere, bursting to get out. My last two (and obviously) failed attempts revealed a well of tears that were completely involuntary, not brought out by any thoughts or happenings. I wept for two days for absolutely no reason at all. I was still functioning, my eyes just leaked incessantly. It was very odd and once finding out that I wasn't hurt or dying my kids, colleagues and neighbors just pretended not to notice or simply scurried out of my vicinity

I have a plan. I work with genius's, they can surely help. Hypnosis from both Lynn and Tracey, also have several stop smoking hypnosis tracks on my MP3 player. I will fall asleep and wake to meditations reminding me that I am a "clean fresh air breather". I will carry a toothbrush and paste in my purse and delight in a tingly fresh clean mouth. I will eat anything I freakin want to for the first week while reading exercise magazines. I will toboggan regularly and engage in lots of activities that are make it difficult to smoke. Like showering. I will reclaim the round ass of my youth and against all odds, my breasts will once again become the perfect perky specimens they were before I even considered having children. Okay, that might be a little far fetched, but the Universal Laws are not discriminate.

I chose a day, February 6, a 19/1 day in numerology and a day when Mars is working in my favor. Jupiter is in my sign all year, which will give me the energy and endurance to achieve this.

And...I'm going to blog the insanity.

PS Anyone want to quit with me? Not limited to tobacco, addiction is addiction.