A Course in Miracles is Messing with my Head

I feel like I am experiencing a liberation from insanity. What a crazy experience to be having at a very interesting time in my life. Looking back, I can't even count the number of times my written word has gotten me into trouble. Being in Grade Four and passing notes in school and the feeling of my cheeks flushing when The Universal Law of Passing Notes in School, you know, the one in which the tightly folded wad of paper will eventually end up in the hands of the one who has the biggest mouth, or worse, your teacher, wound up being the lesson of the day. Later, it was diaries or journals being read by boyfriends and husbands and the Spanish Inquisition that followed later. My former in-laws even read parts of one of my journals that disclosed personal information that they were apparently quite disturbed about. Eventually, I put a written disclaimer in the front page of my journals warning any potential readers that these were my illusions, my journeys, and no one is allowed to debate my thoughts and opinions. For they really mean nothing. And now I just have detached. I am glad that I have kept all of those journals. They are a testament to the fact that one can take shitty self-created situations and reach another plane of awareness. You don't have to meditate in India for 6 months to find the Divine in everything. You just have to be curious. And aware. And the more self aware I became, the more candid I became. I have known all my life that I have some kind of purpose. When I was a child, I had dreams of disasters and out of body experiences that gave me a genuine concern about the state of the planet. I contemplated Oneness, all the while feeling a stranglehold in my solar plexus, since I was four or five years old. Learning to read was a total Godsend, and when the adults around me couldn't answer my questions, I turned to books and encyclopedias. Indeed, I believe if we look at our childhood, when we were exactly as God made us, without much human interference with our development, our daydreams and fantasies give foreshadowings to our gifts and greatness. And mine was talking and writing. My family must have gotten much relief when I started to write and kept my questions to myself.

So it seemed pretty natural to have an online journal regarding what I see as an Ascension Process. My tools of choice thus far are:

• Making use of every fine professional at Andnow Center
• A Course in Miracles
• Meditation
• Yoga
• Renouncing attachment to tobacco
• My separation with Derek

These are my Goals

• See with God's eyes, Perfect Trust
• Being in the world, but not of it
• Weight gain of mmm...15 pounds
• Holy relationships
• Perfect Health
• Perfect Service
• Master the Universal Laws of Conscious Creation

So I figure that through ACIM, (the Course) that I can learn to work the illusion in my favor, and see the way Christ did. Unconditional love all the way around. Love without attachment is also important to me. The quitting smoking will result in immediate weight gain, which naturally will drive me to exercise, and the emotional crap brought up by the withdrawal will pull out any leftover illusions. Sounds simple. That's when the blog might get a little messy. I also want to put this new awareness to the test...I have too many planets in the 12th house to know for sure what I have hidden in the closet.

I don't even know why there is this drive to be my own lab rat in this process. Possibly it is the belief that you can't take another higher than you have gone yourself. I just want to try everything. Right now, my dream is to manifest a new kind of community, where we can grow our own food organically, create a smaller footprint that doesn't take away from nature; it blends or adds to it. Where everyone has their "thing" and their "thing" contributes to the whole. And we all live on 10% of our income and can use our money to teach and travel and connect with one another and have miracles all the time. Learning and teaching new clean ways to create energy, heat and power. Minds of the world uniting. Now I know I can't be the only one with this dream. Somehow we will all find each other, the same way we find all the people who are important to us in this life; synchronicity.

The Course in Miracles has been integral in this process. If you've "read it", you should read it again...