Am I a Masochist?

Vanity can drive one to the most ridiculous of decisions.

Derek finally put up the mirrored closet doors in the bathroom. They are directly across from the jacuzzi tub. It adds a whole new dimension to the room and the bath experience itself , its almost a bonus to witness yourself relaxing, and you get twice the light from the surrounding candles.

But last month, when I caught the sight of my own naked ass getting into the tub in those huge mirrors, my heart almost stopped in my chest.

That is NOT my ass!

How and when did this happen?

Okay, admittedly I probably don't spend nearly enough time in front of the mirror naked. And who looks at the back of themselves anyway? Too hard on the neck. Unless I'm trying on a new pair of jeans, I don't even go there.

I don't want to sound conceited, but I've always thought I had a nice ass. And I've had enough bullshit in my life to feel strangely entitled to my lack of weight and body issues. After giving birth to both of my sons I was back in my regular clothes in less than three months. Without exercise.

Well, my luck finally ran out.

I'm not a gym girl. I get distracted easily at the best of times and the thought of working out on machines seems so...impersonal. Running is out of the question, my knees are hating it. I have target areas I want help in...I want the ass of a 24 year old. And if my breasts are too small to fill a bra, they better learn to stand up on their own. My legs could always look better and I'd like to build some more muscle on my back. I'd like to have a strong core.

I am emerging from ten years of monogamy...I haven't thought about what my naked body would look like to someone else in almost a decade! The last time I got naked with someone for the first time I knew I looked okay. There was so "bad side" or "good side".

So I prayed, just a quick prayer, in my car on the way to work. It went something like this, "Creator, just show me quickest way to the body of my dreams."

And it was like the gates of heaven opened, and in walked Mike Chomitsch, my first reading of the day. Mike is Co-owner of Evolution Strength and Conditioning. Operating out of Legends Training Center, their slogan is "Only the Strong Survive". Mike was so enthusiastic about his program that when he told me with great confidence that he could deliver the body if i would show up and do the work, I was sold.

"You'll love kettlebells!" he promises.

Wtf are kettlebells? Turns out they are these cast iron balls with a flat bottom that are a lot heavier than they look. They come in different weights from 10 to 106 lbs. According to Mike, they are one of the most versatile tools in the industry and are far superior to free weights and machines.

And portable with the little handle and all. If you don't mind the odd hernia, that is.

So I showed up on Monday, as I usually show up, naive and without any expectations. There were a couple of strippers that were trying out the kettlebell method as well. I always wondered what they did to keep in shape...

Somehow I always thought they would lean towards pilates...

In hindsight, I was probably feeling a little cocky. I have great physical endurance, and can run 3km without breaking a sweat. As a matter of fact, I hardly sweat at all while exercising.

Ten minutes with a kettlebell and the sweat was dripping off my face onto the mat.

Mike went through some initial preparatory exercises with me before he would let me touch a kettlebell. Truthfully, he had me sweating before I picked the goddamn kettlebell up.

With a soaked t-shirt and trembling thighs I walked out of Legends an hour later, feeling as if my feet were encased in cement shoes. Lunges-smunges...they have nothing on this workout.

Last night, laundry basket on my hip, I moaned like a woman ravaged with every step up the stairs to my bedroom. Who knew how often one engages the hamstring muscle in one's day to day activities? I discovered that it is actually less painful to perch one's ass above the toilet seat, straining overused muscles with the act of balancing than to endure the hard landing on an unyielding toilet seats. I thought of those convenient handrails in the large bathroom stalls in the mall and wondered if they come in brushed chrome to match the rest of my bathroom.

Yesterday I wondered if it really was the gates of heaven that released Mike into my life.

Today I can walk without wincing. Just in time for my second session tomorrow.

Mike seems relatively unconcerned about my soreness. I think the word he used was "excellent". This, in my mind, makes him a bit of a sadist.

But the proof of the pudding is in the eating. And proof we shall have. Hannah has agreed(without much enthusiasm, I might add) to take a picture of my naked behind "pre-kettlebell". So the BEFORE and AFTER pictures will be up here for review.

Mike can be reached at kettlebellkings@gmail.com

Just Another Ordinary Miracle Today

The thing that I like most about changing perspective is the sudden change in the people I begin to attract into my life. Suddenly, I am surrounded with people who truly shine.

Lisa Natoli, thank you for your authentic self, I have been asking for a mentor, and lo and behold, I find her on Facebook. Technology is so responsive with miracles. When I saw that Lisa had a Course in Miracles website (http://www.gorgeousforgod.com/) I couldn't believe my luck! On it are examples of using the principals of the Course with real life issues. I am sad about the reality that so many who purchase the Course with good intentions never really "get" the concepts. I know that feeling. It took me three years before I could shift my awareness, which truly transpired through my relationship triggering every error in my perspective. God, thank you for Derek. What a safe, beautiful, soulful way to wake me up. Much nicer than being hit by that car in 1993. I have learned to listen since then. For those of you experiencing your Personal Hells' out there, know this: GOD IS SETTING THE STAGE FOR YOUR ENLIGHTENMENT. You can use this situation (that might feel bad, but at least it gets your attention) to find out who and what you really are. You are the light of God, shining in your own particular way.

I used to hold in my light and blame other people for the fact that I wasn't shining. It totally prevented me from looking at the fact that I was afraid to shine.

I prevent myself from shining with my tobacco addiction. It makes me feel weak and powerless. I am signing up for Lisa Natoli's 40 Days in the Desert workshop. Its online (http://www.itmatterstotally.com/) and its actually designed for people with Food Addiction. She uses Course in Miracles principals, and it involves no diets. Lisa believes that I can easily transfer the material to my individual addiction, so I'm really pumped to start May 1st. I love how the Universe gives you exactly what you need.

Speaking of getting what you need, this was a pretty interesting experience and a great demonstration of the Law of Detachment working with the Law of Attraction and Law of Least Effort. Today, I commented on the beautiful Smudging Wing that belongs to Sarah Salter Kelly, asking her where she got it. When she told me it was a gift, I silently thought to myself "I want to make myself one of those. I want a hawk's wing" Five hours later I get a message from Joyce, another Soul Sister and Course in Miracles Junkie on my voice mail, telling me that she came home to a dead hawk on her deck and thinks I might know what that means!! Not only does it mean that Joyce is a messenger, but it was my answered prayer.

Today was my second session in my Soul Retrieval series with Sarah. I have never felt a deeper, more authentic experience with any type of healing work than what I have experienced in this Soul Retrieval. She guided me through a tour of the four chambers...we each had an individual experience, and without speaking wrote down what we received. What she shared with me regarding past lives and contracts formed validated everything I felt I ever was, and with information given to me by mystics over the years. I've been told that my bones from that life are in the river valley, right here in Edmonton. The North Saskatchewan river seduced me into moving from my awesome life in Winnipeg to Edmonton, where I knew no one except my husband Doug. Thanks Doug, for getting me here. For celebrating and encouraging my weirdness. I found my spiritual self acceptance through you. My channeled Spirit Guide drawing (it's on my Facebook page) is actually me. Wow. That is the only piece of channeled are I ever did. I think it was back in 2001. It's not my Spirit Guide, it is a lost part.

Things at home are actually on the blissful side. Derek and I have released attachment and the result is no judgement. Correction of vision. More miracles than I can count. And I feel free to pursue my spiritual purpose without guilt. The Laws of Perfection and Perpetual Transformation. And setting a new precedent for separations and divorce in the process. I am in no hurry to move, knowing that the right place and situation will present itself, and it is possible that I may spend much of the year travelling around North America. Peru is definitely on the agenda for early next year.

It is getting easier. Everyday.