Okay, so I have been plagued with crazy dreams as of late. On January 24, I willingly entered the hell of my own creation. For my birthday I spent the whole night meditating, writing, and going within. I may have gone a little too deep. I found a well of sadness there, and plopped myself right into it, up to my neck.
My poor family. One day I will make it up to you guys. In Bali or somewhere warm...
One more day of cigarettes, and my lungs are secretly rejoicing. This afternoon I felt the first tugs of doubt as I thought about this fact on my drive home from work. The Universal Law of Suggestion has been put to the test, and it will be interesting to observe myself undergoing withdrawal. Myself, once again, in a petrie dish, ready to be poked and prodded at the very innermost weaknesses in the name of eventual enlightenment.
One thing I am grateful to have is the support and skills of the practitioners at Andnow. It's amazing how Spirit brings a group together and it is truly wonderful to have a family away from family. My pre-quit smoking hypnosis session with Tracey Martin was this afternoon and I was blown away by what was revealed to me. There's so much in the subconscious that we don't even remember consciously. Sometimes I wonder if everyone is as fucked up as me. It was easier when I wasn't aware that it was all my shit. Actually, it wasn't. I remember those times as being very dramatic. This is better.
Tomorrow is the last day I will begin with a cigarette. I think I will do it very mindfully, in fact, I will smoke mindfully from now until then. My last pack...like a friend who gets you arrested...I know I'm better off without them. Here's to mindful smoking...
No comments:
Post a Comment